The Great Poodle Conspiracy

by Gerry Mandel

A frightening movement is afoot that threatens our cherished relationship with the canine world. Possibly with the entire animal kingdom. This is not science-fiction, friends. The evidence is right in front of our noses, so to speak.

You’ve seen “Planet of the Apes,” right? That’s when apes take over the world as a result of being domesticated by humans. Scary concept. Well, I’m not saying our current situation is as dire, but you just can’t be too careful.

Here’s what triggered my suspicion. I was walking with my golden retriever one afternoon in Forest Park when I met a young couple with an interesting looking dog, a small fellow with a curly coat. I asked them what kind of dog it was.

“It’s a Schnoodle,” the woman said proudly.

She saw the blank look on my face, so she went on to explain that a Schnoodle is a cross between a schnauzer and a poodle. “A Schnoodle!” I exclaimed, attempting some enthusiasm as I continued my walk. You won’t believe what I came across next. A BossiPoo. This strange-looking little dog was on the end of a leash held by a small, elderly woman.

“What’s a BossiPoo?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

“A cross between a Boston Terrier and a poodle,” she said. “She is such a good little girl,” she said to her BossiPoo.

That’s when it hit me. The poodles are infiltrating the world of dogs. I have known about other mixes for some time: Labradoodles and Goldendoodles, specifically. But a Schnoodle? And a BossiPoo? What was going on? I began to dig into the subject over the next few days. My findings were chilling.

First, let me say that most of these crossbreeds are cute, at least to some degree. Unfortunately, they have not been recognized by the American Kennel Club, but maybe they’re just stand-offish. However, I learned that they’ve been recognized by the American Canine Hybrid Club and the Designer Dogs Kennel Club. Really. Hybrids and Designer Dogs officially sanctioned. Here’s the other stunner I discovered. There are 220 hybrid designer breeds. Of those, over 100 are poodle mixes. It began back in the 1950’s when a cocker spaniel and a poodle took a liking to one another and produced a Cockapoo. I know; a disgusting name. In the UK they’re called Spoodles. A little better, eh guv’nuh? The movement picked up steam in the 1980’s when a labrador and poodle got amorous and produced the Labradoodle. People loved this breed. Touted as hypoallergenic, they didn’t shed. That opened the floodgates for the invasion of the poodles. It must have been a wonderful time to be a male poodle.

Here is a very short list of poodle designer dogs: Bichon Poodle, Maltipoo, Westiepoo, Cavapoo, Newfypoo, Whoodle, Bernedoodle, Bordoodle, Yorkipoo, Shihpoo, and let’s not forget the Bassetdoodle. This last one likes to overeat and is touted as being a fat and friendly little dog. Every home certainly needs a Bassetdoodle just for laughs. My personal favorite is the Saint Berdoodle. Obviously a Saint Bernard and a poodle. I just hope, for humane reasons, that the poodle was a standard, not a miniature.

Two more thoughts about this cautionary tale. First, Designer Dogs. To me, that’s messing with Mother Nature and smacks of genetic manipulation. I’ve seen enough science-fiction movies to know where that leads. Poodle hybrids have been created with the same care as handmade shoes. They will fit your need: Personality, temperament, coat, intelligence, color, size. Just fill in the order form and Amazon will have your new dog to you by Tuesday. Secondly, the pure-bred poodle - care to guess when and where they originated? It was during the 1600’s, in Germany. Now we saw what transpired in 1914 and 1939. I’m just saying, you can’t be too careful.

A bit of advice: Be alert. They may be cute, but the invasion has just begun.