Two Letters from Target
by Gerry Mandel
THE BACK STORY:
A good friend named Glenda, wife of a good friend named Jerry, slipped and fell while shopping at Target. Not a big deal. She wasn’t hurt, but mentioned it to a group of us as an “amusing episode” while they were in St. Louis. Of course I had to send her a letter “from” Target.
April 24, 2000
Mrs. Glenda Grinnell
P.O. Box 4481
Aspen, CO
Dear Mrs. Grinnell,
It has come to our attention, through one of our sales associates, that you experienced a mishap at one of our stores in the St. Louis area recently. As I am sure you realize, we at Target do our utmost to keep our stores clean, uncluttered and perfectly suited for customer traffic in all areas. Part of this attention to customer comfort requires us to clean and wax our floors, though we do make an attempt to use only safe, non-slip products as determined by Federal and OSHA standards.
In reviewing the situation in which you were involved, we have determined that none of our employees, nor our maintenance polities, were to be at fault. While it is always difficult to assess blame, and also difficult to admit to being the one at fault, I would suggest you consider the type of shoes you were wearing and, perhaps, your mental state at the time. It just might be possible, though please do not take this as an indictment, that you were just a wee bit careless as you made your way through our beautiful and well-maintained store. In fact, no one else has ever had this type of misfortune, which makes us here at Target believe that we are entire free an clear of blame or malfeasance.
We welcome your business. And while our distribution and marketing information reveals no retail outlets in the Aspen area, since Aspen dwellers do not fall within our demographic profile, we hope you continue to shop at Target stores wherever your travels may take you. But in the future, I would suggest you wear different shoes, maybe large black oxfords with heavy treads. And also keep your eye on where you’re walking. Perhaps take someone with you who has a strong arm and steady hand. Maybe even use a walker, which we can offer to you at a 30% discount. On second thought, maybe you’d better just not shop at Target anymore. I’m sure you don’t need as much value for your money, considering where you live. And I really don’t have the time to write these sanctimonious letters.
Cordially,
Carson E. Penchell
Chief Administrator
Target Stores, St. Louis
Here is the follow-up letter from Target to Glenda. I couldn’t let go of this delicious scenario.
Target Stores, Inc.
St. Louis Division Office
14250 Executive Parkway
St. Louis, MO 63011
Mrs. Glenda Grinnell
P.O. Box 4481
Aspen, CO
Dear Mrs. Grinnell,
I’ll come right to the point. This is an apology for the letter written by one of our employees recently. Believe me when I tell you that this is not the official Target tone and attitude we display towards our customers. I can assure you that appropriate disciplinary action has been taken, with the aforementioned employee being transferred to a position of lesser authority at one of our stores near a Florida retirement community.
On a personal and constructive note, I am pleased to extend to you an offer to help you deal with what most certainly was a difficult and awkward shopping experience here in St. Louis. We have prepared a video that demonstrates three basic skills which you might be interested in developing; Walking, Talking, and Shopping. The video is called, appropriately enough, “Walking, Talking and Shopping: The Target Way.” In it you will learn from experts how to accomplish all three and still remain on your feet. I would be most happy to send you this, with our compliments, for a small handling fee of $3.95. If you respond to this within the next ten days, we will also include, at no cost, a pair of heavy black shoes with non-skid soles and our unique patented stabilizer arch support for the motion-challenged.
Again, thank you for shopping at Target and for your understanding We trust you are enjoying your time in Aspen, Colorado, and you have a most enjoyable and upright summer.
Sincerely,
Frank DiMalino
Area Manager
St. Louis Target Stores